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So you want to drive in Southern California – Part 3. Beware the idiots

September 28, 2007

That’s right, beware of those that are clearly idiots.

I have a tendency to see many morons first hand. And I am here to pass this knowledge of what to look for when traversing the freeways.

To put it in the simplest terms. Everyone on the freeway is an idiot. But that really doesn’t help you, does it? There are a few classes of idiots, and each have their own things that you should watch out for. So let’s cover a few here.

Luxury cars, watch for the Lexuses (Lexii?), for they do not know what they do. Yes keep a close eye on any and all true luxury marquees. These are the people that have spent insane amounts of money for status. They have made it to this point by stomping on anyone they deem lesser than themselves. And on the freeway they are no better. As they are left behind by the car before them, they do not care about the people that await their use of a gas pedal. Nor do they move to another lane to let people pass. These are not the type of people that will allow anyone to pass them. They are your managers and their goal in life is to be an obstacle in your drive from point A to point B. It is much like the way they operate at work.

And on that note. Also watch for the old luxury cars. These are the vehicle of the wannabe’s. That’s right welfare mom’s and deadbeat dad’s that wish they could be rich. And they would do it too, if it wasn’t so much work. So instead they will drive a 1982 BMW with a blown headgasket and duct taped quarter windows with Dayton wire rims. Too fucking cool.

Anyone with a NASCAR sticker. I don’t give a damn if it is a Flash Gordon, or some ridiculous number sticker on the back of their Caravan. The only reason these people are NASCAR fans is due to the fact they are fascinated by anyone that knows how to keep a vehicle under complete control at speeds over 35mph. These people live vicariously through their tube framed “stock car” racing, Southern heroes.

The American made full size Tonka truck. These are owned by women with weight issues and men with penis envy. Please do not get this mixed up with a serious off-road machine. You will know the difference. A serious vehicle is designed to hit the dirt at WOT and the people that own them know what they are doing. No, the ones I talk about are the ones with a 14″ lift using blocks on the leaf springs. 22″ rims with rubberband tires and enough chrome lights to keep the Mohave lit up like Christmas. These people have spent insane amounts of money on something that can’t even make it over a concrete divider at the local Wal Mart without the owner becoming anxious. You rock people. And someday when my hair falls out and my penis cannot stand up without the aid of blue pills, I may have to buy one myself. Nahh.

Now for a minor detour back to the original purpose of this blog.

I have gotten the OK to use a mill at my job. So next week I hope to drag my trees over and get the nasty stuf taken off and get it ready for new nasty stuff to be welded back on. So stay tuned for some bike building.

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